Now Entering: Life Bi Me

I don't know how may people do this as well, but I am going to build a little to-do list for myself that consists solely of things that scare me. It will be known as my 'Fraidy-Steps List. Although my list will be fluid and changing over time, I promise not to take anything off of it until it is actually done- I hope. Yes, these things are genuinely what I am afraid to do for a variety of reasons. Maybe someone out there can let me know they have similar fears and that I am not all crazy.

Here it goes:

1. I will come out to one person close to me. I do not mean a friend of a friend, or that girl I sometimes chat with on Facebook. I mean a close friend or a family member. I will not say it in passing but will actually explain myself, say the word bisexual, and have an open and frank discussion about what that means.

2. I will make a new friend. This may seem odd, but it bothers me that I have never made a friend on my own, at least not since high school. This may be normal, even preferred, but I would love to meet someone who has nothing to do with anything in my day to day life. Might open my little introvert up a bit more. 

3. I will stay in my sons room overnight to find out what that noise is he says he hears. Am I crazy or am I the only mother on the planet who feels like a failure over the little things? There are a thousand sites, sitcoms and kid friendly movies dedicated to losing you kids, stitches, and foul language, but when something as minor as not being able to figure out what that danged noise is that he hears as he falls to sleep from time to time, I suddenly feel like a bad mom. For the sake of my son and my sanity, I have to find it! 

4. I will go on an overnight trip - alone. No children, no boyfriend, no friends at all. Just me and my thoughts.

5. I will face my relationship head on. I need to know if what we have together is the real deal. Am I depressed because of us, or is it because of me? Are we truly happy or just going through the motions? It is high time I found out for sure.

6. I will go one day without coffee. Forgive me ahead of time if that days post seems a bit, um, cranky. I will do my best to avoid threats of knee kicks and eye stabs...or actually kicking knees or stabbing eyes...

7. I will eat vegan for at least 48 hours. Why? Because it sounds absolutely horrible to me. Yes, I know. Health benefits and whatnot. Still, vegans freak me out.

8. I will say I am sorry. I admit it. I rarely apologize, even if I know I need to. It is a horrible trait, and it has to change.

There is no particular order to any of these, nor can I say for certain a time table for each. But come hell or high water I will get through them- one 'fraidy-step at a time.

M.M.