There is no switch. We cannot turn it on and off. Telling us that we are "straight right now" negates everything that we are trying to overcome. It hurts. When we see the relief on your face when we "finally" date someone of an opposite gender, it hurts. When you tell your new girlfriend to "hurry up and be straight already," it hurts. When you sneer and say things like "dudes that like dick are gay, period," it hurts. When you call us greedy, sluts, or confused, it hurts. When you chuckle and say we just haven't decided to be "completely gay yet," it hurts.
As I embark on this journey of coming out to more than just the very few people that know me as bisexual, I am beginning to realize that there is a running theme for those I open up to. Why bother?
You see, I am in a very gratifying relationship right now. It just so happens it is with a man. This man, for all intents and purposes, is mostly at peace with my sexuality, but I would wager that he doesn't quite understand why I now want to bring it to light instead of all those years ago when I actually slept with women.
He isn't the only one confused by this type of choice. Why, even today I saw a post in my little tumblr community of a woman struggling with the same problem. Hell, just about anywhere you search, you can find bisexuals feeling invalidated merely because we are constantly in the center of what many perceive to be a black and white argument. You are either gay, or straight. We often do not exist.
This is hard for me because I don't really get how you can't be bisexual. I am not one of those "everyone is a little bi" advocates, but when I see someone I am attracted to, synapses fire off in my brain and I am stimulated -physically, but not necessarily sexually. I even have types for both men and women; not every male is attractive to me, and neither is every female. Nor do I want or crave more than that initial stimulation. Both men and women in straight and gay relationships see others they are attracted to, so why can't we?
So what's the point of all of this? To validate us. Every single last one of us that feel cheated, self-loathing, belittled, when we stay quiet as the rest of the world treats us as if we are a quirky, bemusing little bug. A magic show where everyone knows the way the trick is done. A silly child dancing in a department store to get attention.We are not straight. We are not gay. We are bisexual. Even as we hold the hand of our opposite-sex significant other, we are bisexual. And we have every reason to be proud.
M.M.
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